Turkey Time!

Thanksgiving is at my house this year! I'm. Cooking. The. Turkey! Soooo test turkey # 1 began yesterday. (My first time ever cooking a turkey I might add!).

The Williams Sonoma turkey video was a helpful visual. I was ready. My mother in law had prepped me verbally and I had all the necessary tools and ingredients.

23lb turkey
Yellow onion
Oven roasting bag

So It said to thaw for 4 days in the fridge. I placed it in the fridge on Wednesday and planned to cook it Sunday morning for my mother in laws birthday meal that afternoon.
Well Sunday morning it was frozen solid still!!

Sooo, I waited until the following Wednesday. I cut open the bagged wrapping it came in and flopped it into the sink...along with all the juice and blood! Ick!

I'm a germaphobe and a total salmonellaphobe!!!

Since the turkey felt like a baby human there was no way I was sticking my hand inside its rear and pulling out all the 'stuff' I was supposed to remove. I looked for my disposable kitchen gloves...couldn't find them. Ziplock bags it was!!! They worked great. I wasn't getting guts all under my nails! Gross!

Plus Keane kept throwing his soppy cup in the floor for me to pick up! I just knew we would get salmonella for sure!! I bet I washed my hands 50x!

So I reached in with my ziplock bags and felt a bunch of frozen chunks of goo! Uck! Then had to pull hard to free the white plastic bag of gravy. It barely squeezed through. Then I scrapped out some more ice chunks....but no giblets? No neck??

Washed again and went to YouTube it some more! Tried to put Keane to sleep...no luck!
Put him back in his high chair for turkey round 2. I scrapped it's cavity over and over and finally got the bag of giblets out. And then out came some organ or tumor mass lol! But still no neck....

Back to YouTube. Still no good visual information....tried google and saw a pic of what the neck should look like. Hmmmm. Gross! Definitely hadn't come across that yet! Tried to put Keane to sleep again. While rocking him I read that you shouldn't keep the bird out for over an hour during prep die to the risk of SALMONELLA!! Crap! It had been a good 2 hours already!!

Finally got Keane to sleep and went back to the kitchen for turkey round 3! Had to call my mother in law and she informed me of the other cavity that was covered w neck skin! Sweet Lord! Now that's really nasty. Consulted YouTube again and the Williams Sonoma lady said she likes to cut the excess skin off. Soooo after cutting off what felt like a human cartilage....(maybe I shouldn't have tried my first turkey the day before Halloween! Too many goulish flesh visuals fresh in my mind!). Anyway, ziplock bags and I finally found the neck!

After pulling and pulling with my ziplock covered hands as hard as I could....finally my hands slipped and turkey goo splattered in my face! Salmonella now for sure! Sweet Lord have mercy!!

I washed and disinfected my hands, arms and face! Then reached again up the back and found the neck finally. Who knew the neck would easily slide out the back?!?! Obviously not this girl! After throwing away the disgusting looking zombie penis....I was ready to now stuff the cavity with celery, onions and carrots. Which I still hadn't chopped yet!!

Chopped the ingredients and stuffed them into the cavity until overflowing. At this point of 2 1/2 almost 3 hrs out of the fridge I figured we would all have salmonella for sure so what was the point of smearing it w butter. And there was no way I was lifting the skin to massage butter in between the meat and skin. No. Way!

So I grabbed my EVOO (Extra virgin olive oil) and doused the entire bird. Salted and peppered it to death and bagged it!!!

Put it in the 325 degree oven for 4 1/2 hrs per the turkey cooking label. FYI if your using a bag, go by the bag directions....bags cook faster. Should have probably cooked for 3 1/2-4 hrs ;)

The turkey actually turned out great! I will be making a test turkey #2 though. I want to cook it for less time and try the butter under the skin ;). Maybe I'll try a paper bag like everyone has since suggested....we will see!


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